I don't know what to say

I have been at a loss for words this week.  This morning I was reading my Bible and catching up with the news and trying to do what Karl Barth says “Take your Bible and take your newspaper, and read both. But interpret newspapers from your Bible.”  As I came to the end of praying through the Psalms for the first cycle of the year I got stuck as I read all of the ways we praise the Lord in Psalm 150 and landed on verse 6 “Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord.”  My heart sank, and I sat with the pain and anger that a senseless act of racism, abuse of power, or whatever it was, George Floyd’s breath to praise God was taken away from him even as he repeated “I can’t breathe.”

I tend to miss trends and days that spread via social media and a few weeks ago felt like I was behind the curve as I saw people posting runs to honor Ahmaud Arbery.  But this evening as I took off for a run, I moved through my neighborhood, as I do multiple times a week, without thought of being targeted by violence or hatred because of my race or appearance.  I wore this headband as a reminder that as I run, there are many who can’t or can’t freely so “I run for those who can’t”

I am not going to try to justify the relationships I have with people of color or from other cultures.  Honestly I have to admit that I know enough to know that there is a lot I don’t know.  It struck me this morning reading Psalm 119 how the Psalmist had such a clear view of God and God’s law that he could not help but praise God and commit to follow God’s commands, yet multiple times pleaded for understanding and help.  I know God is good, faithful, and loving.  I am grateful that God is relentless to rescue and desires His children to act with justice, mercy, and humility (Micah 6:8).  I know God has created people of all colors and the good news of Jesus is free to everyone.  But this good news is not just a future in Heaven but as Jesus proclaimed “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free,” (Luke 4:18).

I honestly don’t know how to respond to or on behalf of my friends during this time.  I do know that racism is wrong.  I know that all people are created in God's image and should be treated with that respect.  My heart longs for justice and reconciliation.  A social media post seems trite compared to the pain I see from my friends as a result of racism.  As one friend shared, “Take away George Floyd's face being thrust to the pavement and replace it with mine…” but this turns my stomach and I can’t imagine the world without his passion and humor and smile.  I want my kids to play with your kids and to think nothing of it, but even more to live in a society where both of our kids can drive and run and play without different treatment because of our color.  I truly want to vote and act and speak in ways that don’t benefit me, but provide those freedoms I enjoy to my friends.  I want to ask more questions, to be more aware, to genuinely listen and then respond in meaningful ways to my neighbors, even if they don’t look or think like me.  I don’t know a lot of things, but I want to learn, I need help, I want the fullness of the Gospel to be evident not just in my teaching, but in EVERY aspect of my life. I will pray for justice, for transformed hearts and systems.

Father, forgive us as we forgive those who have sinned against us, lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.