Last week I posted this on my facebook: "I need some help from the teen crowd. If you could tell a church full of adults the moat (should have said most) important thing they should know about you what would it be? Email me or send me a private message so you can have the freedom to share your heart. Thanks!"
In response to this question I got a variety of answers and developed a sermon that spoke to these situations. I also got a host of adults that wanted to see the responses. I feel it would be inappropriate of me to resend those posts or give out names, but I used the information I gathered in this sermon that I hope does justice to the responses I received. The overwhelming response from teens is that they want adults to understand them. I have sought to reinterpret what understand means and figure out how we can connect with teens in a relational way. I know this isn't the way most blogs go, but I think the text from this sermon has started a response from teens and adults alike that should be shared.
Very rarely do I use the pulpit as a place to advocate for the teenagers I serve. I know you are used to hearing me make announcements, beg for food, or see goofy pictures of us playing messy games. But today I want to share my heart with you. Obviously there is a huge place in my heart for teenagers or I would not be a youth pastor. In the past few months I have been confronted with the hurt and pain that teenagers deal with regularly. To some teenagers are like aliens, you aren’t sure how to deal with them, to others they might be a nuisance, and others see them as a blessing and joy.
I read a blog this week about a teacher named Natalie Munroe from Philadelphia. Some observations she had made about students were discovered on her blog and have made national headlines. Among her observations she said "My students are out of control. They are rude, disengaged, lazy whiners. They curse, discuss drugs, talk back, argue for grades, complain about everything, fancy themselves entitled to whatever they desire, and are just generally annoying. Kids, they are disobedient, disrespectful oafs. Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy LOAFERS.[1]"
If you are a parent, teacher, or just general observer who deals with teenagers on a regular basis you might agree with Munroe. However there are teenagers who are motivated, passionate, polite, loving, selfless, etc. I can point you to teens in our church who give up their time to babysit so parents can attend church activities, who teach younger kids the sports they love instead of investing completely in their own success, our youth group supports a girl named Marwa in Israel with the spare change they bring every week. More than 50 kids will give up food for 30 hours in a few weeks to raise money and awareness for world hunger, and on a weekly basis I have a student tell me a story about a conversation they have had telling a friend about Jesus.
There are a great deal of people who want to jump on board with writing off teenagers because of the lazy, disrespectful, selfish, entitled stereotype, but the reality is, these kids need a transforming relationship with Jesus and need someone who will walk with them and show them how to live a life that honors Jesus. The rants of Munroe and other teachers might be a cry of frustration or disillusionment as they have set out to make a difference in the world, for others it might be the lack of understanding of teenagers that deters your interaction with them
I did an informal survey this past week to find out what teenagers wish a church full of adults would know about them. Needless to say I got some interesting responses like this one:
Facebook post “I would tell them that even though I'm a teenager doest mean I don't have time for God. I always put him first. He is and always will be my main priority.p”
“don’t underestimate us!”
“I feel like we’re constantly judged by little things”
“I wanted to talk more about Jesus, but it's hard because it seems like a lot of adults want us to be quiet”
We might expect they wanted things done their way or more freedom, but the overwhelming response was that teenagers want to be understood. I know what you are thinking, “I wish I could understand them”. If I can add my interpretation into this, I don’t know that understanding the lyrics to their music, or the way they dress, or how to tweet, flikr, myspace, blog, txt, or facebook is what they mean. In a world where teenagers are harsh to each other and trying to figure out who they are, they desire to be heard and seen and know that someone values them for who they are.
This hurt is present here in Nicholas County. We have kids that are resorting to drugs, alcohol, hurting themselves, and hurting others all because they feel invisible, unloved, outcast, or misunderstood. And please hear me, this isn’t those kids from somewhere else, it is here, in our church and in our schools and we have the ability to make a difference.
In the book of Deuteronomy, Moses was reminding the people of Israel of how God had rescued them out of the slavery of Egypt. How God had provided a path across the Red Sea with the Egyptians chasing at their heels, and how God had provided food and water in the desert. The men and women listening to Moses had experienced the salvation that God offers and so were told in Chapter 4:
Deuteronomy 4:9-11 (New International Version, ©2010)
9 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. 10 Remember the day you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.” 11 You came near and stood at the foot of the mountain while it blazed with fire to the very heavens, with black clouds and deep darkness.
Out of experience, God wanted the people to pass on their experiences to their children. The hope that Israel has in God is to be passed from the parents on to the children and grandchildren. The love of God and the relationship that you share with God, share that with the children.
The burden of responsibility lays on us as adults to share the hope that we have. The experiences we have gathered through our lives help us to look at breakups, homework, chores, friendship problems, athletic disappointments, and other monumental events in a teenagers life and see that they are mild compared to other things life offers, however my hope is that our experience of survival and hope in the midst of these situations enables us to provide hope and comfort when a child or teen experiences these hurts. After all, these are the experiences that will shape them. The lessons we help them discover in these times will develop their character.
Ultimately, we hold the burden to share Jesus with these kids. And in this changing culture a weekly church service is less influential than a personal relationship in leading someone to Jesus. Barna.org did research in 2004 that said that more than 75% of adults who make a decision to follow Jesus do so before the age of 18[2]. This is good news. We have lots of opportunity around us.
What this means is that we need to be involved with kids in a way that makes a difference. Being a coach, writing letters or cards, taking them out for icecream, showing your appreciation when you see them at church, teaching Sunday School, working with AWANA or the youth group on a regular basis. Going to games or band concerts to encourage our kids, reading to school kids or volunteering at the High School or Middle School. These are ways that we can pass on the hope and experience we have because of our relationship with Jesus Christ.
In the midst of social media like facebook, myspace, twitter, texting, and cell phones, studies have shown that although a younger generation is hyper-connected with technology, they feel more alone than ever. It is hard to convey the full truth of love, hope, and worth in 140 characters. So I offer hope. For those of you who do not tweet, text, blog, or facebook, your ability to relate to someone face to face, say hello, give a hug, high five, handshake or smile is exactly the qualities that teenagers today need. If you write letters or send cards you could pass on an art that is fading away in the face of technology. Your ability to quilt, crochet, bait a worm, or identify a tree while on a walk could be used by God to speak love and truth into a life that feels invisible or alone.
I got a text from a college student this week that said “I don’t check my mailbox much, but I did this week and it was full of letters from people at the church, thanks!” Overwhelm them with love in ways that are unexpected.
Now don’t get me wrong, not every teen feels invisible or alone. There are a lot of kids that are on fire to tell their friends about Jesus and want to change Nicholas County and the world for Jesus. These kids need your help as well. They need prayer, ideas, resources, and encouragement when they succeed, struggle, or fail to do what God has called them.
In 1 Thesselonians 2:8 Paul says that “Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.” The idea of sharing your life, your experience, your knowledge, your heart is what kids today need. The overwhelming response from the kids I talked to shows that they really want you in their lives. They want to see you living out your faith and encouraging them to do so as well. They want to hear your successes and failures so that they can learn from them.
We have been challenging our students to reach out to other students to share the Cause of Christ, telling them the good news of Jesus and making disciples who make disciples. There is a website printed in your bulletin: www.everyschool.com. I want to challenge you to visit that site and adopt a school. You can sign up to pray for the students, to help equip and train students, to start or help with a campus ministry. This is a way that we can connect students, adults, and ministry leaders to reach every student and every school in America for the Cause of Christ. If you aren’t web savy and want some help, ask a kid or teenager to help you, enjoy the time that you get to share together.
Our youth ministry has over 80 middle school and high school students that have attended at some point since September. In the upcoming months I am going to print cards with a name, picture, and address and give you an opportunity to adopt a kid to pray for, send cards to, and encourage in their relationship with Jesus. If you want to be even more involved than that, talk to me and I’d love to help you get connected with the ministry that God can use you to make an impact.
As Christians it is our task to give an answer to anyone, teenager, child, or adult, who asks the reason for the hope that we have. We can take on the example of Paul and more importantly Jesus to not only share the Good News of salvation, but to share our lives as well. We have a great opportunity to reach a generation that is searching for something a lot deeper than TV and video games.
Let me close with this plea and challenge from a teenager: Not all teenagers are "bad" kids. Even though we don't say it most of the time, we definatly look up to you for guidance. We don't always need you to come up with great pieces of advice to give us; but to just listen to us when we have a problem can mean the world sometimes. When you mess up, don't be afraid to admit it. We all make mistakes and it makes me admire you more when you can admit when you've done something wrong to try to fix it. If you don't have the answer to a question it's okay to say you don't know the answer. I love listening to your stories about when you were in high school. I love it when people tell me they are praying for me. In my opinion that is one of the nicest things you can do for someone. Trust me, we definatly need all the prayer we can get! :)
