Blazing the Trail

I would like to begin by handing you a machete.

A machete is a long knife used in the jungle to cut through thick brush and create a path.

I want to hand you a figurative machete and inspire you to start beating down a path through life for your teenager to follow.

There is no greater spiritual influence in the life of your teenager than you. As your teenager’s youth minister, the smartest thing I can do is to set you up to blaze a trail of spiritual heritage for your teenager to follow.

That is why I want to encourage you to live out Psalm 145:4 with your teenager.

“One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts.”

Here are 3 ways you can blaze a spiritual path for your teenager:

1.       Close the old trails- You might have had a trail marked out for you by your parents that led to lots of pain. You don’t have to continue that path. You can close that trail and mark a new one for your teenager to follow.

2.      Mark the trail in word and deed- Far too often we try to make a spiritual impact on our teenager through words alone. Consider adding actions to your words. This has a multiplying effect on the integrity and influence you have with your teenager.

3.      Don’t force it- You can mark a beautiful path for them to follow. You can make the entrance clear. You can shine a light on it showing them where to go. But you can’t make them follow the path. That is ultimately their choice. You can’t control their faith decisions, you can only guide them.

If you haven’t checked out the Rites of Passage Experience yet, please go here to check it out. It is another simple and powerful way that you and I can work together to blaze a trail and help you pass down your faith to your teenager.

Rebel and Repeat

This is a great concept that can help us think about how we were raised and adapt those strategies that worked to our parenting, as well as avoiding the things that were not as helpful.  I hope you find this helpful.

If you missed our last session called “Rewind and Flash Forward” you can go find it here.

I am going to begin by asking you to visit your past.

One way to dynamically change your home is to have the courage to visit your own teenage experience and consider the ways you would REBEL and REPEAT.

Here is a 2 minute and 51 second video that will introduce you to this very practical exercise called REBEL and REPEAT.

http://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/52190563/a0a246a34e

Here are two questions that I would love for you to answer:

1.       As you raise your teenager, what is one thing that you want to rebel against from your own teenage experience?

2.      As you raise your teenager, what is one thing that you want to repeat from your own teenage experience?

If you would be willing to share some of your answers with me, I would love to hear them, just reply to this with your answers.

Attitude Check

Would you like to see your teenager have a better attitude?

As the leaders of the home you get to set the attitude example for your teenager to follow.

Philippians 2 displays Jesus’ example of the right attitude.

Here are 2 quick take-aways from Philippians 2 that can help change your attitude in your home this week:

1.       Look to Your Own Interests - This might be a surprise to you, but your interests matter.  Philippians 2:4 it says, “look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others”  This verse assumes you will take care of yourself before you try to take care of your family.  It is not selfish to take care of yourself.  In fact it sets you up to love your family from a position of health.  It is not wise to give your teenager 100% of you, because if you do there is nothing left over.  What can you do this week to take care of yourself in a way that will make you a better parent?

2.      Look to the Interest of Others - It is not wrong to take care of yourself, but it is wrong to take care of only yourself.  Once you have taken care of yourself in a healthy way than you are free to give yourself away in service.  The Midrash taught that no Hebrew, even a slave, could be commanded to wash feet.  But Jesus chose to do that in John 13 to set a standard of what love looks like.  To love is to serve. The attitude of Jesus was to serve others from a position of health.  This example is one that could revolutionize your home.

If your attitude adjusts to look more like Jesus, you might be surprised to see your teenager’s attitude follow that example.

The Rewind and Flash Forward

In the last session of our online parenting class we talked about Reacting vs. Responding when communicating with your teenager.  

Today, I want to continue that thought by sharing with you  a very practical tip to help you stay calm when your teenager is not calm.

It’s called the Rewind and the Flash Forward.

You can watch this short video to learn how you can try it out this week in your home.

http://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/50506222/14e8a4cab6

I hope this helps you to apply what we have been learning.  In our next session we will give ourselves an “Attitude Check”.  I am looking forward to it, and I hope you are too.

Responding v. Reacting Part Deux

I hope you are enjoying the bite-sized parenting encouragement.

You might be wondering if you can invite other parents to join our online parenting class and the answer is “YES”! You can just email leeboso@gmail.com with their name and email address and we will get them enrolled in the class.

This month we are talking about how to RESPOND to your teenager instead of REACTING to your teenager.

Did you do your homework from last week? Have you looked up Proverbs 15:1?

This great truth is the first thought that you can bring to your minds and hearts when your teenager opens the door of frustration in your relationship.

But for this lesson I am going to suggest to you three quick thoughts that you can go through like a checklist in your head to keep you from losing your temper:

1) Pray this short prayer first: “God give me grace in the moment”. It is impossible to maintain control of your emotion apart from the grace of God, so be willing to ask for it.

2) Ask yourself, “What can I teach them right now?” This thought will keep you focused on the greater parenting task which is teaching them the beliefs and life skills they need to become an adult.

3) Consider the context. What physical changes could be causing this behavior? What relational pressures or circumstances might be fueling your teenager’s emotional response?

Here is a 6 minute and 29 second video from a recent Parent Seminar that talks more about understanding the Physical Changes that are going on inside of your teenager. Understanding these changes can give you the context you need to RESPOND instead of REACT to their wild mood swings. Follow this link to watch the video: http://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/48888063/ff98940e88

Thanks again for being a part of this online parenting class.

My goal is to encourage you, and open the lines of communication between our church and your home. With that in mind, feel free to email me any questions or prayer requests you may have.

Have a great day,

Lee Boso  <><

Reacting and Responding

To the amazing parents in the SBC Youth Ministry,

What is the difference between Reacting and Responding?

Actually there is a huge difference. If you and I can understand that difference we can build bridges instead of walls in our relationships with teenagers.

This month’s online parenting class is focused on helping you as a parent learn some tips to “Respond” to your teenager in a healthy way.

I want to start by sharing a great example from an experienced mom of teenagers:

It was my favorite lip gloss! Burt’s Bees (the tinted one, no less) is not exactly cheap. And did I mention it was my favorite? What could she possibly have been thinking? Every sane person knows that when lip balm is left in a warm car, it tends to get soft. So what would possess her to twist it till it was all the way up and then try to push it back down into the tube? Really? Of course it split right down the middle.

This would have been the perfect time to teach my teen the difference between reacting and responding. I failed. Again. There were so many ways to do this better. I could have said anything other than “What in the world do you think you are doing? Did you even think through that?”

How am I ever going to teach my child this lesson if I can’t get it myself? Reactions are governed by emotions, while responses are governed by the ability to think through the situation. That means closing our mouths and not saying the first thing that pops into our heads, which is usually critical.

Not so easy when our teen is hurling their attitude at us with acute precision. Don’t kid yourself. They know our buttons and are not above pushing them. Over and over and over. I think they have created a fantasy league where they earn points by pushing us over the edge again and again! But how different would our relationships be with our teens if we responded rationally to their attacks instead of reacting immediately?

There is one tool that I use that is helping me learn this concept. It’s called breathing. I know, profound, right? But you would be amazed at how well this works! First, it gives you a moment to lower your blood pressure. Extra oxygen always helps. And those few precious moments it takes to breathe a few extra times may be the difference between teaching them and arguing with them. I will take teaching every time!

______________________________________________

I want to challenge all of the parents in our ministry to memorize with me a short verse to help us “breathe” when our teenager’s stir up anger in us.

So, your homework for this week’s class is to look up Proverbs 15:1, memorize it, and repeat it to yourself every time your teenager tries to push your buttons. Are you with me?

As always, if you have any questions or prayer concerns please respond to this email and let me know.

Your Parenting Partner,

Lee Boso  <><

Associate and Youth Pastor

Summersville Baptist Church

www.summersvillebaptist.org

Second Part of How to Leave a Legacy that Matters

Today we are asking the question, “How do you pass down faith to your teenager?”

Let’s begin by watching this 3 minute video… http://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/43519296/a13f91ff3d

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 gives us our mission from God as parents:

“Hear O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”

I want to quickly unpack this job description for parents into 3 action steps that you can do today to begin passing down faith in your home:

1) Put it in your Heart First- “these commands…are to be on your hearts” You can’t give away what you don’t have. You can’t inspire someone else to do something unless it inspires you first. If you want your teenager to be fueled by their faith than make sure that is what is fueling you.

ACTION STEP: Consider planning a spiritual retreat for yourself. You could get away for just a few hours or you could invest a whole week in a focused time with God. It may feel selfish, but filling your own heart spiritually allows it the ability to spill over into the life of your family.  If you do not have a relationship with Jesus and would like to talk with someone about that, please feel free to call or email me so we can talk, I would love to share the best news you will ever hear with you.

2) Infuse Faith into Everyday Life- “talk about them when you sit at home” The center of spiritual activity for your family should be your home. Many times we believe that

should be the church. In God’s blueprint for passing down faith He sets up parents to be the leaders and the home to be the main stage.

ACTION STEP: Brainstorm ways you can discuss faith with your teenager daily. Practice intentional conversation about spiritual matters this week. It could be as simple as leaving your teenager a note with your favorite verse and an encouraging word. It makes a difference.

3) Use Symbols and Ceremonies to Pass Down Faith- “Tie them as symbols on your hands” If you read the Bible you will quickly see that God values symbols and ceremonies as a way of giving faith away to the next generation. The Hebrew word for “impress” in verse 7 literally means to “tattoo”. God made the hearts and minds of children and He knew that the way to “tattoo” faith on their hearts was to give them symbols they can touch and ceremonies they can experience.

ACTION STEP: What are some Christian symbols and ceremonies you can bring into your home and lead your family to experience together. Our Student Ministry has created these kinds of experiences you can do with your teenager. Go check out the Rites of Passage Experience materials we have available for you by clicking this link:

http://summersvilleyouth.org/Parents/ParentClass/ROPE/tabid/81/Default.aspx

God sure did give us an important job didn’t He?

The encouragement we have for you today is that you are not alone in this task.

God Himself will give you all that you need to accomplish His will as a parent.

Also, our church’s Student Ministry stands ready to partner with you in this task. This is why we started this Online Parenting Class and we are making the Rites of Passage

Experience available to your family.

I would love to hear your questions, thoughts, or continued discussion.