Sibling Rivalry

Have you ever heard that silence can be loud?  It’s that very loud, very obvious absence of sound after your teenager has just had another argument with their sibling and stomped off in the other direction.  Does it ever stop?  Do they really love each other?  We will be discussing sibling rivalry in this entry and what you, as the parent, can do to foster relationship between your teen and their sibling(s).

Please take a moment and watch this 3 minute and  47 second video that may help give you some idea as to what is going on in their heads.https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/60761630/c5128ceae7

This isn’t an easy issue by a stretch.  We are dealing with unique individuals with specific ideas that haven’t learned yet that the idea they are holding so tightly to very possibly could be flawed.  This might actually come as a surprise to your teen.  Teenagers react very passionately to perceived injustices.

It reminds me of Luke 9 when Jesus was speaking to His disciples after His transfiguration.  It should have been one of the most spiritually encouraging events for his disciples but somehow it ended up in an argument about who had more importance to Jesus among the Twelve.  Sibling rivalry.  All Jesus had to say was, “Whoever is least among you, this one is the greatest.”

We have to teach our teens that it’s about others.  But first our actions will be much louder than our words!

The Power of an Apology

Teenagers learn by watching their parent’s example more than anything else. There is no better way to teach your teenager important life skills than to model them each day.  One of the life skills that marks maturity the most is when your teenager learns to accept responsibility for what they have done.

Please take 3 minutes and 18 seconds and watch this video that gives a clear example of how you can help your teenager learn this important life skill. http://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/58729615/5464b55bdd

In Jesus’ first public sermon recorded in Matthew 5 there is a hidden gem that might be easily missed.  It is nestled between two scandalous statements about murder and lawsuits. You might skim past it if you’re not looking for it.

In Matthew 5: 23-24 Jesus said that if you come to worship to leave an offering and are reminded of a conflict against a friend, go seek reconciliation with urgency. Then return to the altar and offer the gift of worship.

My question for you today is how could you live the truth of that Scripture today in your home?

Here are some thoughts to get you started answering that question:

• Forgiveness Matters- Jesus prioritized forgiveness and reconciliation in this passage. It is essential to healthy relationships and families.
• Don’t Wait- There is a sense of urgency in this passage. Jesus placed importance on pursuing reconciliation quickly.
• Forgiveness Unleashes Worship- After reconciliation takes place there is an invitation to return to worship God in freedom.

Here are some quick questions to end with today:

• Is there conflict in your home that you are concerned about right now?
• Are you seeking reconciliation with urgency?
• Are you prioritizing forgiveness in your relationships?
• Would your teenager say that your home is a place of grace?
• Let Jesus’ words inspire you today to experience peace in your home and pursue reconciliation in your family.

Feel free to share with me your thoughts about this online parenting class. I look forward to connecting with you next month.Our student ministry has your back in this parenting adventure. If you need someone to talk to, pray with, or someone to just listen please let us know.

The Power of a Symbol

I want to talk to you today about symbols.  A symbol is an object that has meaning attached to it, but it is also a great tool in the parent’s tool belt.

Here are some examples of important symbols you may have in your life that carry important meaning:

·         a wedding ring

·         refrigerator art from when your teenager was a child

·         a family heirloom that was passed down to you

·         a moment in time that was captured in a photograph

·         an item from your childhood home that takes you back in time when you look at it

Symbols are powerful.  Today I would like to suggest that you harness the power of symbols to help pass down faith to your teenager.

Here is a 3 minute and 13 second video that helps you do that.  Just click on the link below:

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/54562229/9a4e22dcc5

This online Parenting Class is my way to encourage you as a parent.  Your job is so important, and our student ministry is cheering you on as you pass down faith to your teenager. Some of you might not feel like you have faith to pass on to your teens, if you would like to talk about that with me, also if you have prayer requests, or just need to discuss something about your child, please send me an email. 

 Cheering you on!

Blazing the Trail

I would like to begin by handing you a machete.

A machete is a long knife used in the jungle to cut through thick brush and create a path.

I want to hand you a figurative machete and inspire you to start beating down a path through life for your teenager to follow.

There is no greater spiritual influence in the life of your teenager than you. As your teenager’s youth minister, the smartest thing I can do is to set you up to blaze a trail of spiritual heritage for your teenager to follow.

That is why I want to encourage you to live out Psalm 145:4 with your teenager.

“One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts.”

Here are 3 ways you can blaze a spiritual path for your teenager:

1.       Close the old trails- You might have had a trail marked out for you by your parents that led to lots of pain. You don’t have to continue that path. You can close that trail and mark a new one for your teenager to follow.

2.      Mark the trail in word and deed- Far too often we try to make a spiritual impact on our teenager through words alone. Consider adding actions to your words. This has a multiplying effect on the integrity and influence you have with your teenager.

3.      Don’t force it- You can mark a beautiful path for them to follow. You can make the entrance clear. You can shine a light on it showing them where to go. But you can’t make them follow the path. That is ultimately their choice. You can’t control their faith decisions, you can only guide them.

If you haven’t checked out the Rites of Passage Experience yet, please go here to check it out. It is another simple and powerful way that you and I can work together to blaze a trail and help you pass down your faith to your teenager.

Rebel and Repeat

This is a great concept that can help us think about how we were raised and adapt those strategies that worked to our parenting, as well as avoiding the things that were not as helpful.  I hope you find this helpful.

If you missed our last session called “Rewind and Flash Forward” you can go find it here.

I am going to begin by asking you to visit your past.

One way to dynamically change your home is to have the courage to visit your own teenage experience and consider the ways you would REBEL and REPEAT.

Here is a 2 minute and 51 second video that will introduce you to this very practical exercise called REBEL and REPEAT.

http://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/52190563/a0a246a34e

Here are two questions that I would love for you to answer:

1.       As you raise your teenager, what is one thing that you want to rebel against from your own teenage experience?

2.      As you raise your teenager, what is one thing that you want to repeat from your own teenage experience?

If you would be willing to share some of your answers with me, I would love to hear them, just reply to this with your answers.

Attitude Check

Would you like to see your teenager have a better attitude?

As the leaders of the home you get to set the attitude example for your teenager to follow.

Philippians 2 displays Jesus’ example of the right attitude.

Here are 2 quick take-aways from Philippians 2 that can help change your attitude in your home this week:

1.       Look to Your Own Interests - This might be a surprise to you, but your interests matter.  Philippians 2:4 it says, “look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others”  This verse assumes you will take care of yourself before you try to take care of your family.  It is not selfish to take care of yourself.  In fact it sets you up to love your family from a position of health.  It is not wise to give your teenager 100% of you, because if you do there is nothing left over.  What can you do this week to take care of yourself in a way that will make you a better parent?

2.      Look to the Interest of Others - It is not wrong to take care of yourself, but it is wrong to take care of only yourself.  Once you have taken care of yourself in a healthy way than you are free to give yourself away in service.  The Midrash taught that no Hebrew, even a slave, could be commanded to wash feet.  But Jesus chose to do that in John 13 to set a standard of what love looks like.  To love is to serve. The attitude of Jesus was to serve others from a position of health.  This example is one that could revolutionize your home.

If your attitude adjusts to look more like Jesus, you might be surprised to see your teenager’s attitude follow that example.

The Rewind and Flash Forward

In the last session of our online parenting class we talked about Reacting vs. Responding when communicating with your teenager.  

Today, I want to continue that thought by sharing with you  a very practical tip to help you stay calm when your teenager is not calm.

It’s called the Rewind and the Flash Forward.

You can watch this short video to learn how you can try it out this week in your home.

http://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/50506222/14e8a4cab6

I hope this helps you to apply what we have been learning.  In our next session we will give ourselves an “Attitude Check”.  I am looking forward to it, and I hope you are too.