Reacting and Responding

To the amazing parents in the SBC Youth Ministry,

What is the difference between Reacting and Responding?

Actually there is a huge difference. If you and I can understand that difference we can build bridges instead of walls in our relationships with teenagers.

This month’s online parenting class is focused on helping you as a parent learn some tips to “Respond” to your teenager in a healthy way.

I want to start by sharing a great example from an experienced mom of teenagers:

It was my favorite lip gloss! Burt’s Bees (the tinted one, no less) is not exactly cheap. And did I mention it was my favorite? What could she possibly have been thinking? Every sane person knows that when lip balm is left in a warm car, it tends to get soft. So what would possess her to twist it till it was all the way up and then try to push it back down into the tube? Really? Of course it split right down the middle.

This would have been the perfect time to teach my teen the difference between reacting and responding. I failed. Again. There were so many ways to do this better. I could have said anything other than “What in the world do you think you are doing? Did you even think through that?”

How am I ever going to teach my child this lesson if I can’t get it myself? Reactions are governed by emotions, while responses are governed by the ability to think through the situation. That means closing our mouths and not saying the first thing that pops into our heads, which is usually critical.

Not so easy when our teen is hurling their attitude at us with acute precision. Don’t kid yourself. They know our buttons and are not above pushing them. Over and over and over. I think they have created a fantasy league where they earn points by pushing us over the edge again and again! But how different would our relationships be with our teens if we responded rationally to their attacks instead of reacting immediately?

There is one tool that I use that is helping me learn this concept. It’s called breathing. I know, profound, right? But you would be amazed at how well this works! First, it gives you a moment to lower your blood pressure. Extra oxygen always helps. And those few precious moments it takes to breathe a few extra times may be the difference between teaching them and arguing with them. I will take teaching every time!

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I want to challenge all of the parents in our ministry to memorize with me a short verse to help us “breathe” when our teenager’s stir up anger in us.

So, your homework for this week’s class is to look up Proverbs 15:1, memorize it, and repeat it to yourself every time your teenager tries to push your buttons. Are you with me?

As always, if you have any questions or prayer concerns please respond to this email and let me know.

Your Parenting Partner,

Lee Boso  <><

Associate and Youth Pastor

Summersville Baptist Church

www.summersvillebaptist.org

Second Part of How to Leave a Legacy that Matters

Today we are asking the question, “How do you pass down faith to your teenager?”

Let’s begin by watching this 3 minute video… http://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/43519296/a13f91ff3d

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 gives us our mission from God as parents:

“Hear O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”

I want to quickly unpack this job description for parents into 3 action steps that you can do today to begin passing down faith in your home:

1) Put it in your Heart First- “these commands…are to be on your hearts” You can’t give away what you don’t have. You can’t inspire someone else to do something unless it inspires you first. If you want your teenager to be fueled by their faith than make sure that is what is fueling you.

ACTION STEP: Consider planning a spiritual retreat for yourself. You could get away for just a few hours or you could invest a whole week in a focused time with God. It may feel selfish, but filling your own heart spiritually allows it the ability to spill over into the life of your family.  If you do not have a relationship with Jesus and would like to talk with someone about that, please feel free to call or email me so we can talk, I would love to share the best news you will ever hear with you.

2) Infuse Faith into Everyday Life- “talk about them when you sit at home” The center of spiritual activity for your family should be your home. Many times we believe that

should be the church. In God’s blueprint for passing down faith He sets up parents to be the leaders and the home to be the main stage.

ACTION STEP: Brainstorm ways you can discuss faith with your teenager daily. Practice intentional conversation about spiritual matters this week. It could be as simple as leaving your teenager a note with your favorite verse and an encouraging word. It makes a difference.

3) Use Symbols and Ceremonies to Pass Down Faith- “Tie them as symbols on your hands” If you read the Bible you will quickly see that God values symbols and ceremonies as a way of giving faith away to the next generation. The Hebrew word for “impress” in verse 7 literally means to “tattoo”. God made the hearts and minds of children and He knew that the way to “tattoo” faith on their hearts was to give them symbols they can touch and ceremonies they can experience.

ACTION STEP: What are some Christian symbols and ceremonies you can bring into your home and lead your family to experience together. Our Student Ministry has created these kinds of experiences you can do with your teenager. Go check out the Rites of Passage Experience materials we have available for you by clicking this link:

http://summersvilleyouth.org/Parents/ParentClass/ROPE/tabid/81/Default.aspx

God sure did give us an important job didn’t He?

The encouragement we have for you today is that you are not alone in this task.

God Himself will give you all that you need to accomplish His will as a parent.

Also, our church’s Student Ministry stands ready to partner with you in this task. This is why we started this Online Parenting Class and we are making the Rites of Passage

Experience available to your family.

I would love to hear your questions, thoughts, or continued discussion.

It’s time for our 1st Parenting Class: How to Leave a Legacy that Matters

Dear Parents,

This is a BIG DAY in our ministry.

I am starting our online parenting class in this email. I hope that you will find this experience extremely helpful and informative.

Today we are going to begin by talking about your will….

Do you have a will? You know, the paper that they pull out when you die to see who gets your stuff.

The process of preparing a will is not fun. The lawyer asks you, “If you die who will you give your stuff to?” You say, “Give it to my spouse.” The lawyer quickly responds, “and if your spouse dies who will you give your stuff to?”

This goes on and on until it seems like everyone is dead and you are so frustrated you consider telling the lawyer that they can have it!

When you write a will you figure out how you are going to leave your stuff, but what about the stuff that matters most?

What values are you going to leave your teenager?

What will you teach them about what is right and wrong in this world?

What will your teenager know about faith?

Our student ministry wants to help you leave a rich inheritance to your teenager of the stuff that really matters.

That is why we want to introduce you to the Rites of Passage Experience. We are going to help you have the conversations with your teenager that matter the most.

We are going to give you the tools to infuse faith into the most import moments in life.

Here are the 7 Rites of Passage we are going to encourage you to lead your teenager through:

·         6th Grade – Preparation for Adolescence

·         7th Grade – Blessing Ceremony

·         8th Grade – Purity Weekend

·         9th Grade – Driving Contract

·         10th Grade – Money Matters

·         11th Grade – Family Tree

·         12th Grade – Manhood/Womanhood Ceremony

I want to finish today’s class by asking you to watch this 3 minute video. It explains the Rites of Passage Experience we are launching as the foundation of our Parent Ministry.

To see the video check out the following link.

http://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/42874938/c9b551a865

And always feel free to check out: www.summersvilleyouth.org for updated info about Summersville Baptist Youth.

Your Partner,

Lee Boso  <><

Associate and Youth Pastor

Summersville Baptist Church

www.summersvillebaptist.org

To All of my Mid High Friends,
Both campers and counselors alike, I wake up this morning and share your feelings of sadness and disappointment. I was excited about eating flapsticks and corndogs, pixystix and icecream. My heart raced at the thought of angle ball, gladiator games, worship, and camp fire. I know many of you, like me, feel that Cowen is a holy place where "God Speaks", as the sign going into vespers says. This is absolutely true, but the same God who speaks at Cowen is the God who is present in your homes, families, towns, and churches. The God who speaks is the God who listens, and is also the God who saves. I am thankful this morning for God's mighty hand of salvation both eternally, but physically in the midst of this week's storm. Although we might not be able to attend Camp Cowen, God is with you and me. Although you might be without power or water or other necessities, God is with you! My friends who would have been at Camp Cowen this week, I encourage you, if you have life's essentials, share them with others, offer the love of Jesus with open hands to your neighbors. This, in God's sovereignty, was meant to happen for some reason, and I pray that God speaks to each of us in ways more powerful this week than he might have at Camp. Although we might miss the physical location of Camp Cowen, please do not miss out on the God who is everywhere in equal portion, ready and able to save through His Son Jesus Christ. God Speaks! Everywhere, in the quiet after the storm, God Speaks! If you are safe this morning reading this, join with me and the Psalmist of Psalm 150:6 and say "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord." And remember that in your fear and helplessness: Proverbs 18:10 says "The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and are safe." Praise God! And in your weakness and pain run to the only one who is mighty to save!

It’s Sunday afternoon and we are sitting around the house practicing the Latin American art of “siesta.”  We have participated in 3 church services today and for those who call the 9am service at Summersville Baptist “early”, we feel equally as strong since that was 7am for us here.  After saying hello to the folks at home via Skype, we left AMCA to go to La Iglesia Primera Bautista del Desamparados, or First Baptist Church Desamparados.  This all Spanish service was very exciting, the group enjoyed contemporary worship music in Spanish.  Many were able to follow along with the words on the screen and know what they were singing.  We sang “Mighty to Save”, “Celebrate, Jesus, Celebrate”, “It is Well”, and a couple others.  I was amazed at how well I understood the language in the service and am finding myself using Spanish a lot more without having Carmen’s skills to fall back on.  I guess we need to use Spanish more at home, maybe then I’ll get even better for our next trip.

After church we went to lunch at a restaurant that served traditional Costa Rican cuisine.  Many of us had a variation of a casado, which included rice, beans, potatoes, fried plantain, and a meat such as beef, chicken, or fish.  We are stuffed from lunch and spent some time walking it off to get some souvenirs.  Although our last two days have been beautiful with no rain, today holds true to normal rainy season weather, beautiful, sunny, blue skies until 3 or 4 in the afternoon then rain and storms through the evening.

I think everyone has enjoyed the fun and restful feel of the first few days, but we are excited to jump in and get our hands dirty tomorrow at the church.  It sounds like we will start out tomorrow morning preparing the bathrooms for tile, begin painting classrooms, and perform demolition on the awning covering a sidewalk.  Through the week our goal is to paint the classrooms, tile 2 bathrooms, demolish an rebuild the awning, and prepare the yard for sod. 

In addition to all of the work to be done, the team met some of the children from the orphanage after church.  We were invited to join the fathers for cake and ice cream and while we sat and enjoyed our prelunch snack, we began to meet and talk with the children.  Needless to say, hearts are broken for these children and we are excited to love them and share with them this week as well.

Thanks for the love and support that everyone back home is sending our way.  We love you and miss you!

We’re Here!  The grace of God covered us and led us through every leg of our journey yesterday.  We arrived safely in DC on Wednesday night and when I said the van would load at 6:45 there were a few groans, however the excitement was already flowing when half the group was waiting at the vans before 6:45 to load up.  We ate breakfast and enjoyed 10 miles of DC rush hour traffic to get to Dulles airport.  The group unloaded at the curb for TACA airlines and when we walked in, the line was winding and extended well past the rope ques.  I was able to ask an airline official about our group of 21 to see if they wanted us to do anything different.  She said she would check us in and made a line that went directly to her desk for our group.  Once the tickets were in hand, my anxiety level dropped drastically.  The next stage would be security, which we were prepared to be rough.  As we entered the security area we walked into an empty line and were happily greeted by TSA agents who were intrigued by our flood of bright yellow shirts.  With two obstacles overcome effortlessly, we went to our gate and enjoyed coffee and doughnuts before take off.  Although some in our group had given me a rough time about a Latin American based airline, we didn’t have to sit with chickens, bring our own chairs, or protect the kids from the fiesta.  Both flights went incredibly smooth.  The first time fliers seemed to really enjoy flying and everyone’s nerves were calmed by the good food and incredible staff.  We had an hour layover in San Salvador, El Salvador and as the first plane landed I was fearful for our luggage making it to the next plane, but from a window we could see Katie’s polka dot luggage and many of our pieces of

The last hurdle to cross would be customs in Costa Rica.  After making it through customs and getting every piece of our luggage safely from the conveyor belt, we went through declarations without a question asked about our saws and drills.  Not a single fear I had about getting a group of 21 people and our luggage through the airport became a reality.  It was rainy here in San Jose as we drove nearly 45 minutes to the AMCA house on the other side of the city.  After unloading our luggage we enjoyed pizza and Pepsi.  The group hung out, unpacked, showered off the day of travelling, and enjoyed a night time reflection about how God’s grace has guided us this far and we are all excited to see what he will do along the next leg of the journey.

The only hiccup we have had in this first few days is that the internet crashed as soon as we got to the house.  I believe a couple of people were able to call home, but it crashed before I could do any group updates.  Such is what we were prepared for being in another country, as with everything, God’s grace will cover this.

Reality has hit...I turned in my Bible this morning to realize that tomorrows date is the day I have been working and planning for since December.  All of the plans go into action tomorrow at 4pm as Summersville Baptist Youth pack two vans and take off toward Manassas, VA where we will spend a night in a hotel before flying to San Jose, Costa Rica for 10 days.  Although the tools are packed, the projects outlined, and the itinerary prepared, I am not sure what to expect.  I am first excited to introduce 20 youth and leaders to short term mission work and to watch them grow as they experience God through this experience.  Second, I am excited to partner with JD Reed before he heads to Bolivia, and to help with a local church and orphanage.  I am, third, excited to return to the place where I believe God laid the initial seeds that grew into a commitment of full time ministry when I was a teenager.  But overall, I'm not sure what to expect.  I read this morning in Acts 8 when God led Philip to an Ethiopian in a chariot.  In my mind I picture Philip thinking to himself "I'm not sure why I'm chasing this chariot, but we'll see what God has in store" and then as he's running beside the chariot he overhears scripture being read out loud.  When  he hears this and gets the opportunity of explaining the passage from Isaiah to the Ethiopian and realizes that God put him there to change a mans life.  My hope as we travel to Costa Rica is that we show up at the right place and time and God uses us in powerful ways.  I know we have been called there for a purpose and I am most excited as we embark on this journey to discover how God will use us.  Psalm 130:5 says "I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope."  I with the Psalmist can say, I wait with hope and anticipation to be used for your glory, God!